meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
