Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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