I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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