Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
