No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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