She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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