I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
