Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
