Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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