their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
