I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
