2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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