I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
