my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
