I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
