I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
