We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
