I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
