you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
