i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
