so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
