apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
