If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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