I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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