I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
