I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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