I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
