i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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