Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
