oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
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