I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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