I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
