I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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