I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I can't turn off my feet"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
