Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
