What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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