so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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