so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
