he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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