my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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