u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
