She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Found your dick twin last night
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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