After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
