Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
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