you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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