I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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