So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
