She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
me + whiskey = a bad person
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
