Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
