It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
whose parrot is this?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
