Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
worst night to have a conscience
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
