I haven't been this sober since birth.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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