The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
