she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
