If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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