guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
