She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
