like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he fucked my hip out of place.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
