guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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