Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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