I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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