Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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