I look better un-naked...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
