I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
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