If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
