Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
