Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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