Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
