She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
