My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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