when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just high enough for therapy.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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