Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
