not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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