Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
