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• (301): View more from Maryland

  She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.

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• (305): View more from Florida

  We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  The strip club called, they have your shoe.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.

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• (954): View more from Florida

  Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.

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• (831): View more from California

  we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well

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• (650): View more from California

  Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.

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• (925): View more from California

  I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.

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• (518): View more from New York

  If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.

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• (716): View more from New York

  I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.

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