Michael Bay diarrhea
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
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