yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
