ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
