she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
is wine microwaveable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize