I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
