8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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