two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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