ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
and she was petting her beer can
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
